Communicating with Culture

Control is a bit of a dirty word isn’t it? It’s had a bad press anyway, it has connotations. I have been told in the past “you’re too controlling” and found it impossible to defend myself against that accusation, it’s very … Read More

I have heard this statement a lot recently in media articles about parents, usually in reference to something a parent feels they have to allow their child to do, or offered as an explanation of their solution to a problem: … Read More

What could possibly make a parent believe that their girl is actually, in reality, a boy? Taking part in the pre-recorded debate for Bringing Up Britain on Radio 4 last week, on the subject of children and gender, it hit home to … Read More

Fern Britton caused a bit of a stir this week with her statement that parents arguing in front of their kids is a good thing; there was a lot of outrage expressed about her “irresponsible” comments. And perhaps they were … Read More

I was on BBC Radio Tees last week discussing whether it’s ever OK if other people discipline your child (you can listen here, from about 01.29.00) , which made me think we’ve come full circle: in my parents’ generation it … Read More

I read two articles last week about the exam stress suffered by those teenagers currently going through their GCSE’s or A Levels; the first said that parents should be very relaxed and understanding and try not to add to the … Read More

The Head Teacher at St Albans High School for Girls, Jenny Brown, has spoken out recently about the current trend for safe spaces at Universities across the UK, for which she blames the cosseted childhoods our children now experience in comparison … Read More

I thought I’d do a fun quiz this week as it’s the Easter holidays and what better way to relax than doing a fun quiz about parenting? It’s not one of those quizzes designed to make you feel bad about … Read More

I don’t want to be a kill-joy, obviously, but I’ve always found celebrations one of the most stressful aspects of bringing up children. I’m an introvert, which means I’m great at speaking to a group (I’m in control, there’s a … Read More

I was once, at the school where I worked, in a meeting with a mother whose daughter was causing upset amongst the girls’ group as well as being disruptive in class. It was typical Year 6 behaviour in a way, … Read More

Should a parent be a friend to their child? Well we all know the answer to this one don’t we; the answer is NO! Children need you to be a parent, not a friend. And I agree with that in … Read More

“It’s just a phase” is a classic bit of parenting wisdom. It doesn’t always feel like that: “Oh, don’t worry, it’s just a phase…” can be really annoying if someone uses it in a well-meaning attempt to reassure you, when … Read More

We need to be careful in our use of labels, kids are fragile in their susceptibility to believing adults’ judgments so the labels or diagnoses we slap on a child can easily become internalised as part of their own self-image … Read More

I didn’t know what to call this post, I couldn’t think of a title that wasn’t immediately off-putting. The vaguely distracted mother, the inattentive mother, the preoccupied mother…no, they all sound like critisisms: ‘the disengaged mother’ I hope sounds neutral … Read More

How much time is it OK for kids to spend online and how do you control that? I’ve written about screen time before and how we shouldn’t be scared of it; it’s not the total baddy it’s made out to … Read More

At the start of term in January a few years ago, a mother who had done my course just before Christmas spotted me across the playground and ran towards me shouting gleefully “Stephanie! Stephanie! We’ve just had a brilliant Christmas … Read More

Observing a child hitting or kicking a parent is one of those things that has always made me instinctively gasp inside, it’s a gut reaction which is a mixture of shock, shame and fear, and I think my feeling is … Read More

One of our jobs as parents is sharing information with kids; things that they don’t know but we do. In fact, it could sum up the job, it’s what we are always doing right from the start. We’re telling them … Read More

Regular readers of this blog will know how much my teenage daughter and I love watching certain reality tv shows together (or ‘crap tv’ as I’ve heard it described…) Apart from the fact that it’s such fun and we get … Read More

I’ve seen a lot of advice articles for parents popping up over the past week, all with titles like ‘How to talk to your child about the Paris attacks’ and I’ve see similar articles every time there has been a … Read More

Channel 4’s ‘Born in the Wrong Body’ recent season of programming began with the episode ‘My Transgender Kid’, doing its bit to reinforce uncritical mass acceptance of the idea that children have an innate ‘gender identity’ which overrides their biological … Read More

When my first baby was born I remember the time my mother said to me, in a slightly anxious and strained voice: ‘You don’t want to make him the centre of your life.’ I just thought ‘But how could he … Read More

As my kids get older I realise that they have left me with a lasting legacy of thoughts and words which I never used to have before they came along. Kids change you in many deep and profound ways I … Read More

When kids say hurtful things to us, all our common-sense can fly out of the window as we’re overwhelmed with shock, hurt, guilt and self-questioning. Either that, or rage. We may forget that even adults, when upset, will say cruel … Read More

It’s a fact that our own triggers are..well, triggered, when we see the same in our own children. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say when we think we see the same in our own children, because that’s the nature … Read More

There’s an idea these days that kids know themselves best. It’s a modern thing, parents never used to think that. Parents used to act like they knew you better than you knew yourself – the absolute cheek of it! – … Read More

The kids are all back at school, some will have just started, or moved to a new one, and parents all over the land will be worrying about them settling in OK. When you’re a parent there’s always something new … Read More

Here’s a treat for you! Don’t know why I’ve never thought to pass this on before, but here is a list of tried and tested Top Ten Car Games which I hope will create fun fun fun for you and … Read More

I am an identical twin so I sat down to watch ‘Secret Life of Twins’ on ITV yesterday hoping that it would do something I’ve never seen before on t.v. by portraying real life twins, rather than the freak show … Read More

I remember once, years ago, seeing a toddler wearing baby reins being led around a playground by his over-protective parents. The playground was all grass, so as safe as you get (when I was a kid they were all hard … Read More

That was a trick question, the obvious answer is ‘well, duh, yes of course we should listen to children.’ We should listen to children very carefully. By carefully, I mean that in the way we listen we should take care … Read More

You know how you sometimes make empty threats which you have no intention of carrying out? They just pop out before you realise what you’re saying and your next thought is ‘Oh shit.’ Like this: I’ll take all your toys … Read More

I sat down with my daughter on Monday this week to watch her favourite t.v. guilty pleasure Don’t Tell the Bride on BBC3. It’s a programme which gets me spitting with rage at the attitudes sometimes shown by bridegrooms (or their … Read More

Children’s feelings weren’t taken very seriously back when I was a child; in those days a child expressing negative feelings was known variously as  ‘ungrateful,’ ‘spoilt’ or just ‘naughty.’ Remember these favourite parenting phrases from childhood: ‘I’ll give you something … Read More

How do you make kids listen to you? If you find yourself repeating endlessly ‘You just don’t listen to me!’ here’s a guide to help you! Close observation over many years has revealed to me the fact that children have … Read More

It’s hard to write about transgender issues as a parenting blogger because in questioning the prevailing trans ideology I know I will be dismissed as transphobic by many, so it’s a risk. If it was hard for me to write … Read More

My eighteen year old son tells me that at his college, everyone’s talking about gender and in particular whether they might be transgender, gender-queer, gender-fluid and a host of other things which he couldn’t remember. The teen/young adult years are … Read More

You know the scene, when your kids are little: whenever you go round to your friend’s for a nice coffee and chat the kids fight, one gets hurt and it happens again and again. Gradually resentments build up on both … Read More

So our child is treating us with disrespect or contempt and we’re feeling really pissed off. How do we do ‘pissed off’ effectively? When managing disrespect from our child there are a few do’s and don’ts: Managing Disrespect Don’ts: Don’t … Read More

Writing my last post about kids treating their mothers with contempt got me thinking about the role of cultural socialisation on how we are as mothers. There’s a lot of discussion these days on the subject of socialising girls. We … Read More

I’ve been hearing stories all week of obnoxious behaviour from children towards their mothers. I’ve heard stories about kids of all ages, boys and girls, from toddlers to teenagers, and it kicked off with a piece I read in the … Read More

Sons and daughters are equally brilliant.* I speak from experience. I had three sons in a row and then a daughter. During my fourth pregnancy people would say to me (in front of my three little boys!) things like: “I … Read More

When I had my four babies my husband and I were both self-employed working mostly from a home office so we had the perfect situation for sharing childcare (bar his frequent trips away). We were both able to spend time … Read More

Anxious? Worried? Nervous? You will be! I haven’t always been this laid-back, easy-going and cool as a parent, I don’t want you to think I just landed here like this. It’s taken a lot of sheer effort, determination and hard … Read More

Of all the Mothers Day gifts you could reasonably expect, which would you choose? And what do you think would be the favourite gift for most mums? Well, according to a poll by homes4media, the most popular gift for Mothers … Read More

I have been debating for a while about writing a blog about transgender issues for parents. This article, Parenting a Transgender Child, which recently appeared in the Huffington Post, has pushed me into action. It’s about an eight-year-old boy who … Read More

I refuse to worry about my daughter. Point blank refuse. She’s fifteen so there’s lots I know I should be worrying about but I am not going to. I refuse to worry about my daughter because of the unequal society … Read More

Why do we parents feel such an obligation to play with our kids? I just read a blog called Why I’m Afraid to Play With My Kids which reminds me of an article in the paper I read a couple of … Read More

I’m not a fan of strategies and techniques of behaviour-management and discipline, I never have been, partly because it all sounds too much like hard work to me and I’m basically lazy. I’m also uncomfortable with the words themselves, they … Read More

I’m an identical twin so I know. Here goes. What’s it like being twins? What’s it like being a singleton? Which one of you is the leader? We’re not a company. Or a cult. Or whatever. Oh my god! You … Read More

Separation and divorce can lead to a lot of guilt for parents, it’s not what anyone wants, nobody plans for it. And it’s traumatic, it’s the loss of the future you’d imagined and you don’t yet know what the replacement … Read More

I have totally felt like the suffragette mother in Mary Poppins this week, although I haven’t actually left the house singing ‘Votes for women step in time!’ I haven’t actually left the house much at all in fact. As well … Read More

In all my work with parents, the most shocking and upsetting stories I hear are those about teenage sons treating their mothers with contempt, and I am hearing more and more of those stories.  And far too often I hear … Read More

Whenever I read about different types of authority, the two extremes are always represented as authoritarian and permissive. I think that’s wrong; being permissive is an ideology, not a kind of authority. The permissive parent allows the child free reign … Read More

WordPress kindly sent me my blogging stats for 2014 and I thought I would present the top 5 posts here in my own personal Hit Parade. In case you missed any, you understand, and not because I have a mind … Read More

It took me a while to realise that a lot (all) of the problems I used to worry about with my children were not problems at all, they were just..um…life. Is it because our kids these days have all their … Read More

My fifteen-year-old daughter went to a party last Saturday night, after which she had a ‘sleepover’ at her friend’s house. She does this so often I’m wondering when she’s going to stop calling it a sleepover and just say she’s … Read More

There you go thinking it’s only November, plenty of time yet, and then December starts and it’s always already a week in before you’ve noticed what’s happened. Time for a Christmas guide! Based on many years of experience, I’ve written … Read More

My new parenting book is out now, it’s called Communicating with Kids and that’s what it’s about, which is ironic really because during the year I spent writing it I barely spoke to mine. They seem to be OK though, … Read More

I passed my driving test when I was eight months pregnant with my fourth child and because of that my examiner didn’t make me do an emergency stop. Which was nice, and sensible, but I had to do the more … Read More

Parenting language has changed beyond all recognition over the decades since I was a child. When I say that, I mean I recognise it all, but if my mother had magically lived on another planet in the intervening years and … Read More

There are some ways we treat our kids which we wouldn’t like ourselves, I’ve done it, and for some reason I’ve imagined that even though it wouldn’t work for me, it should work for them. It never has. Here are … Read More

‘I’m going out with my friends tonight’ announced my daughter, on Halloween night. ‘Trick or Treating?’ I asked. ‘No mum’ she said, rolling her eyes. ‘Ooh’ I said, ‘have you grown out of it?’ ‘Mum I didn’t do it last … Read More

We live in a culture of improvement – new improved tastes, experiences, products, results – you can’t get away with just leaving something as it is anymore, it will begin to look shabby. The rate of growth of technology in … Read More

It’s hard to believe it now but I used to try and be really nice to my children all the time. They won’t remember. I really did think that’s what you were supposed to do and I can’t believe now … Read More

I’m becoming increasingly aware of things that really should work but don’t. Diets for example, or regularly checking your breasts for lumps, they’re things that don’t work and there’s lots of research and evidence to back that up. But they … Read More

As I look at my daughter, just turned 15, I am so glad I’d become older and wiser before she arrived in the world. I am so glad I had reached the Fuck It stage of body confidence and that … Read More

You use what you’ve got to give your kids an advantage in the world don’t you? And what we’ve got is individual to us, there’s no better or worse, and it’s part of our parenting job to use what we … Read More

This week I have mostly enjoyed picking blackberries, it’s something I haven’t done for a long time. Blackberrying is one of those activities I gave up when the kids got too old to want to do it with me. I … Read More

Over the summer, on and off, I was playing a fun little game in my head called What If All The Kids Had Left Home Already, What Would That Be Like? It started in July when I went up to … Read More

Which start of term is the most difficult one of the year? ‘Back to school’ is a phrase that always strikes dread in my heart at any time of the year; I’ve obviously been programmed to feel this way since … Read More

Having spent a year sitting in this exact position where I am sitting now, in front of my lap-top writing my book I have decided that all things Communicating with Kids could do with a break, so this post is … Read More

My daughter and I, for lack of a World Cup game, found ourselves watching a tribute to football pundit extraordinaire Alan Hansen on telly the other night. Presented by Gary Lineker, it was one of the most moving stories of … Read More

I have just spent a year sitting in front of my lap-top writing my book ‘Communicating with Kids’ so I thought it would be a good idea to go out for a walk and start to get fit again. I … Read More

I remember watching some t.v. news programme years ago, where an interviewer asked an ‘expert’ this question: ‘Should we be worrying about this?’ I think it was something to do with a food scare. The question stayed with me. Should … Read More

Having won the World Cup last time, Spain have exited this one at the group stage, just as France did when they won, as did Italy, and even Brazil. Success can clearly lead to increased pressure to keep your position … Read More

When my daughter was three, I said to her ‘The World Cup is starting next week, I’ll need to watch every match uninterrupted.’ This is a confessional blog post, by the way, I’ve always felt I can’t possibly tell people … Read More

Here’s a question I get asked a lot: ‘If my little girl/boy gets to see Page 3 in public how do I explain it to her/him?’ and my advice is the same as it would be for anything else that … Read More

Summer half-term is like a seasonal consumer groundhog day for me. I inevitably find myself in one of those large cheap shopping emporiums like Matalan with my daughter and the reason we’re there is to buy a new swimming costume. … Read More

Last week I heard something interesting on telly from Bob Mortimer, the comedian and, in my opinion, the funnier half of Reeves and Mortimer. Apparently he was once a bin man for a year, and he listed a few other … Read More

My eldest son is twenty-two and is leaving home at the end of the week. He did the leaving home thing once before, but then moved back in as a stop-gap while he was looking for a flat, and eighteen … Read More

My journey to the state (and enjoyment) of outraged indignance started many years ago. I remember very clearly when I was quite young, the moment I gave myself permission to feel irritated. This was way before I became a parent, … Read More

I saw the brilliant Tracey Thorn this week reading an extract from her autobiography, and she’d got to the bit where she was sixteen and had decided to ‘be in a band.’ She explained how brilliant punk was for its … Read More

Why is it that dealing with hurt feelings (my own) is still the most challenging thing with my children after all these years? I’ve learned to deal with my angry, irritated and impatient feelings quite well over the years, but … Read More

I spent years and a lot of money on my first two children when they were little, trying to cure their personalities with alternative therapies, before realising that they didn’t need it (well, one of them didn’t..). Just to assure … Read More

We drove up to North Wales for our Easter visit to Grandma this week and I found myself playing a new fun game of interpreting hidden messages in motorway signs. It started on the M25 when we saw the strangest … Read More

This week I got a leaflet through my door from my local Conservative MEPs, with a questionnaire to fill out about my views. I checked through, and there were no ‘Don’t Know’; ‘Not Sure’; ‘Well it Depends’ or ‘That’s a … Read More

I was watching an ad on telly last night for a double album of songs, and I just knew it was going to end with the words ‘The Perfect Gift for Mothers Day!’ The reason I knew that was because … Read More

We’re good at gender-stereotyping in my family, and for that I think we have to thank Enid Blyton and the Famous Five; reading those books together gave us all much opportunity for gender-based hilarity and mirth when my children were … Read More

When I just had my three sons, I saw myself as their blueprint of Woman and I wanted them to think that women are good, but when I had my daughter I learned pretty early on that ‘women are good’ was … Read More

It’s official, babies are born with empathy. It’s not an add-on. Paul Bloom of Yale University in Connecticut, after carrying out a series of studies of babies, argues that a sense of morality is hard-wired, although it can subsequently be … Read More

There’s a new report out about kids with bi-polar disorder, and on Dragon’s Den last Sunday there was a businesswoman trying to get backing for her product designed to help depressed children, having been a sufferer herself, so that was … Read More

You know when you do that thing where you lie on the settee all day pretending to be ill? No? Only me then? I keep asking parents this question, and I have never met one who has tried this, or … Read More

I’ve really had it with ‘building self-esteem’ in your child as a concept. Self-esteem is not a Lego set, we can’t follow a set of complicated instructions, get all the bricks of the right colours in the right places and … Read More

Last week my third son came home from one of his regular baby-sitting jobs and burst into the house looking for me. ‘Mum! Mum! Thank you SOOOOO much. Thank you for having me and bringing me up and looking after … Read More

Nobody likes a lecture do they, especially when it’s a long moral self-righteous one. There are just some forms of communication which are never going to produce the desired result and a lecture is one of them. You just make … Read More

I’m really perplexed at the way toys have gone over the twenty odd years I’ve been bringing up children. When my boys were little I remember seeing extreme gendered toys only in those really cheap tacky little catalogues that came … Read More

I remember the exact moment when I lifted my head up, looked around and noticed that there was still a world going on out there outside of mothering. I was sitting in a pub having a Christmas meal with colleagues … Read More

You parent your kids when they’re little and then at some point, I don’t remember when, the role-reversal begins. Or Payback Time as I call it. Like playing games for example. The three games that have survived our family’s growing-up … Read More

So I’ve finally stopped going round saying ‘Why have all the shops got Christmas stuff in them already?’ and acknowledged the fact that it’s because it’s nearly Christmas. I’m a bit behind this year, I’ve been working so hard I … Read More

I have failed twice this week in the perfect motherhood stakes. I usually wake up before my alarm goes off and enjoy that luxury of lying in bed listening to the tinkly sounds of Radio 3 without having to get … Read More

My daughter and I are nearing the end of our autumn reality t.v. fest during which we have gorged ourselves on X Factor and I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here for the past few happy weeks. I love … Read More

My children may be getting on a bit, they may look mature, but I realised this week that they’re just grown-up kids. We have a new huge cardboard box in my family, that’s when it started. It sits in the … Read More

I’ve always hated homework, I’ll set out my stall from the start so that you know in advance that in this subject I am biased. I remember as a child the awful misery of Sunday evenings trying to get all … Read More

So there’s a scheme proposing that mothers who breastfeed should be rewarded with £200 worth of ‘shopping vouchers’ we heard on the news this week. I feel there’s so much wrong with this scheme, not least because it doesn’t tackle … Read More

There are two ways of dealing with a child’s grief or trauma, the first is the old-fashioned way of ignoring it, never mentioning the issue and pretending it doesn’t exist. That was in the bad old days before we recognised … Read More

What’s that? You haven’t had a rant from me for a while and you really want to hear one? OK. I’m afraid it’s Lego again – yes I know I’ve done them before – but this trailer for the new … Read More

I love the way Nature stops its work and goes no further once it has reached the stage of Good Enough. That’s why we have scars, Nature is quite capable of continuing the job of healing to the point where … Read More

I was watching a comedy show this week and they mentioned a favourite story of mine. ‘What was odd about Einstein’s childhood?’ the host asked and I was shouting at the telly ‘He didn’t speak a word until he was … Read More

I realise that I tag a lot of the posts I publish on this blog with both toddlers and teenagers, and it occurred to me that if anyone clicks on the toddlers tag they may be a little confused about … Read More

I found a great quote on Twitter this week, I don’t know who said it so I can’t credit it, but it just about sums up my philosophy so I’ll share it with you here: ‘I don’t know how to … Read More

I think teenagers are brilliant and I have never bought into the idea that once your child hits 13 years of age you are in for a really awful time for a few years. It’s just not a necessary thing … Read More

‘Ooooh! You look GORGEOUS! Wow. That really suits you! You look really lovely in flowery stuff! So gorgeous!’ I said that to my 16-year-old son at the end of last term when he modelled his prom outfit for me – … Read More

Trusting my kids has never come naturally to me. I have always had to work hard at it, it doesn’t seem to come automatically. The reason I know that that my default setting is mistrust is because I generally try … Read More

It’s that time of year again. Off they go back to school and everything in our household ran smoothly up until the last minute when my daughter realised she couldn’t find her school skirt. That’s a fairly necessary piece of … Read More

I know helping kids is part of our job as parents and I know that children of course sometimes need our help. Very often though they actually don’t, but we give it anyway. Whatever it is that you give your … Read More

This week I travelled up to North Wales to see Grandma with  my 13-year-old daughter, the first time we have done this trip just the two of us.  At Oxford services (Westbound, M40) we went into W H Smith for … Read More

I’ve had a weird virus thing this summer, it’s been going on for a few weeks now, and it’s hard to remember a time when I wasn’t being ill. It’s also hard to imagine a future when I will have … Read More

‘Bye!’ said my 13-yr-old daughter cheerily as she prepared to leave the house to go for a swim in the outdoor pool. She opened the front door and was almost knocked back in by sheets of torrential rain. ‘You’re not … Read More

I may look like I’m social-media savvy because I blog and I have Facebook and Twitter accounts, but I was very late to all this technology really, and needed a lot of persuasion to embrace all these new communication methods. … Read More

I was asked this question recently as I was in full flow pontificating on one of my favourite subjects, the balance and interaction between genetic inheritance and environment and the plasticity of the brain, when I was interrupted: ‘Yes, but… … Read More

So what kind of summer holiday do you want? I always think it’s important to know, and to make sure your children know too. I used to say to my kids when they were small: ‘Shall we have one of … Read More

When it comes to our children, the things we worry about are endless. I’m sure the media doesn’t help. If I see one more article with the headline ‘Is your child too…?’ I am going to…um…not read it. We don’t … Read More

Parenting fashions come and go, and in this mass-communication world parents can’t really avoid hearing about them. Some new idea is ‘proved to work’, it’s publicised all over the place as gospel and then it quietly fades away leaving a … Read More

I read an article a while ago about how to talk to your teenage daughter about the pressures to get ‘bikini-ready’ for the summer so that, presumably, you can go to the beach or the pool without that sense of … Read More

I have a 16-year-old son who has never developed the skill of owning a mobile phone. He had one once and there was always ‘something wrong with the battery’. He bought another cheap one about six months ago and that … Read More

Last week I took myself off for a wild and windy weekend’s camping. I’d reached the point where all those plates I was spinning in the air felt like they were about to come crashing down so I did what I … Read More

I was listening to a wonderful grandmother speaking on a radio phone-in this week, she was talking about how much she loved looking after her grandchildren. I think they let her speak for ages because she was so warm and … Read More

Welcome back everyone who had to make a bit of effort to resubscribe to this blog, and welcome new subscribers! Those who’ve been here for a while know that I write about my real life with my real children, with … Read More

Call me a tiger mother, but I used to MAKE my children sit down to watch ‘Top of the Pops’ with me every Thursday evening. It was important, how else was I going to get my kids off  ‘Wheels on … Read More

Me’n’thekids had a chat about the Olden Days this week. We were all trying to remember a time before the internet, and I was having more difficulty than them in believing there was a time when I couldn’t do a … Read More

Recently I have been getting Behaviour Recommendation reports for my daughter from school into my inbox at an alarming rate and it’s making me nervous. It’s not that I’ve never had these before for my sons, just that there’s been … Read More

Giving a moral lecture never works does it? Here’s a little scenario from my family this week to illustrate this fact. Third Son was across the room on the sofa, Daughter was sitting at the table facing me. Third Son … Read More

We do long car journeys well now, me’n’thekids. We’re used to the 6 hour trip to North Wales to see Grandma, we know the rules and it all runs smoothly, except on the M25 of course where so often things … Read More

Easter Day, and the family tradition of  What we Do on Easter Day kicks in. My sister comes round with her two children (‘The Cousins’) and we play Music Scrabble whilst eating chocolate. Exactly the same as our Boxing Day tradition … Read More

Do you have an odd child in your family? I’m only asking because I used to have one. He was an odd child right up to about the third year of secondary school and then he got a big circle … Read More

‘Aren’t you glad you’ve got a ‘parenting expert’ for a mum?’ I asked my kids after seeing the description of myself in the Mail’s You magazine this morning. Roars of laughter. They found it hilarious, always have done.I have to … Read More

You try to bring your children up according to your values, but other people’s ways are different. You may really disagree with the ways other people treat your child, especially if it’s very different to the way you do it. … Read More

I know that explaining things to your children is supposed to be a part of good parenting but I’m not sure about it, I’ve so often seen it done in a ‘this is why I’m smacking you’ kind of way. … Read More

Oh Lego, Lego, Lego, my favourite toy when I was a child – EVERY child’s favourite toy, or all the ones I knew anyway. Oh Lego what’s happened? Why don’t you like girls anymore? Oops… sorry everyone, I went to … Read More

I am becoming a real feminist, I know this because my 16-yr-old son rolls his eyes and says ‘Honestly mum, you’re becoming a real feminist’ whenever I make a reasonable comment about wimmin’s issues. ‘Oh no’ I say ‘that must … Read More

Do you do that thing where you pretend that birthday presents don’t matter to you – do you even convince yourself it’s not important, but then, when it comes to it, you feel really hurt if nobody’s bothered to get … Read More

There are lots of different screens, and when it comes to modern parenting they get lumped together as one thing: ‘screen time’ about which we have to have a ‘policy’. Different screens serve different functions though, so I thought I’d … Read More

If you watch the t.v. or flick through a magazine you’ll see our culture’s idea of what the archetypal mother looks like. Fairly attractive, slim, cheerful, caring, compassionate, and always smiling. It’s as if all these different, interesting, unique people … Read More

So it’s winter, it’s freezing outside, my brain has shut down to preserve its energy and I am hibernating. I am not a perfect mother right now. Luckily this week I had an obliging child who got a coldy fluey … Read More

I was directed to an article in the Daily Mail this week, reporting a mother’s concern about what her teenage daughter chose to wear to her 14th birthday party and luckily, as I have no imagination, the Mail helpfully published … Read More

I have seen two representations of mums at Christmas on T.V. ads this year: the Asda mum is bright, cheery, attractive, and does all the work by herself without ever misplacing her innate goodness or a hair on her head, … Read More

Christmas is coming! I’ve already forewarned  my children that we’re going to have a simple Christmas this year and pare things down a bit as money is a bit tight. I tell them this every year. I have an inbuilt … Read More

‘So how’s the ‘teens traumatised by online porn’ thing going at your school then?’ I asked my teenagers as a means of encouraging some after-dinner conversation this week. ‘Oh. Um. Well it doesn’t really happen’ my 15-year-old son said, as … Read More

As we were watching the great/awful Saturday night T.V. last night, my daughter said to me ‘mummy, if I was in the final of the X Factor would you vote for me?’ ‘Well’ I said ‘that would depend on who … Read More

A sense of humour is a great resource for parents when you can remember you possess one. We found ourselves this week going through all the phrases we have regularly used in our family which make us all laugh. We have … Read More

My 15-yr-old son shaved his head last week and now looks like a Bhuddist monk. We have therefore accorded him the status Spiritual Leader of Our Family and look up to him with new respect. Touchingly, he asked my permission before … Read More

Half-term, and a 6-hour drive up to North Wales to see Grandma, with 50% of my children. Well, strictly speaking, maybe that should be 100% given that the older two are technically adults now. My family fluctuates like that. Having … Read More

Thursday was International Girls Day and I couldn’t help but feel the irony of that this week, when the news about girls in this country has been so uniformly depressing. If it wasn’t Jimmy Savile, it was reports about the … Read More

My youngest child, my daughter, became a teenager the week before last, and last week my oldest son turned 21. Two very significant birthdays! My oldest and my youngest, the two children who were the biggest challenge for me when … Read More

In the olden days, children didn’t have emotional needs, they just had physical ones. They were fed, watered and sheltered, and that was generally thought to be enough. Job done! Apart from the basic physical needs, children’s needs were seen … Read More

Over the years I have often thought about what I would choose as my top three most important parent rules, apart from the obvious things of course, like having a sense of humour. Especially the ability to laugh at yourself … Read More

It’s that time of year again. Your child is starting nursery school, or ‘proper school’, or moving up to secondary, or going off to college or university. And you thought ‘letting go’ meant letting them ride a bike without stabilisers! … Read More

Who invented the ‘parent voice’? Who was the first parent who decided on the range of voices we can use with our children, but never use on anyone else? I understand the sing-song voice everyone uses with babies and infants, … Read More

I remember from my own childhood the gruelling hardship and discomfort of outdoor toilets and freezing bedrooms in the mornings, and have always felt that my children don’t get enough of this sort of thing in their mollycoddled lives. How … Read More

Camping is a great leveller, we’re all back to basics, and our normally private parenting techniques are exposed for all to see. The campsite ladies’ toilets and washrooms are a microcosm of Life at its Most Stressful for mothers. Everyone … Read More

The summer holiday is a great time for catching up with long-lost family members, like your teenagers. I think of the teenage years as ‘payback time’, a time when you see the fruits of all that time and effort you’ve … Read More

We used to sit down as a family before any school holiday and all say what we wanted from it, so that we all knew. I would say things like ‘I need two days uninterrupted work, I want a day … Read More

The summer has finally arrived, the Olympics are about to start, and there is a new health report out which tells us that inactivity is very bad for you. This is when I start feeling guilty that we are not one … Read More

It’s funny how when our children say things, we can hear something different. Take ‘I don’t want to go to school today’: Sometimes we hear ‘I WON’T go to school today’ (‘Well you have to go’) Sometimes we hear ‘I’m … Read More

We humans haven’t been communicating with words for very long –  we’re not as practised at this as we are with body language –  and it amuses me to think that our ancestors roaming the Savannah may actually have been … Read More

I found myself having a Saturday evening alone with my twelve-year-old daughter yesterday. At around 9pm I observed vaguely that it would be quite nice if we had some chocolate in the house, not realising that this would be interpreted … Read More

When I was a child, one of my absolute favourite toys was the Post Office set. I found it so exciting, all those stamps and envelopes and air mail stickers… I’ve been doing the grown-up version of playing with a … Read More

For all the dads reading this, as it’s Fathers Day, I asked my 20 year old son for some input about dads for today’s post. He told me that last night (while I slept on oblivious) his dad picked him … Read More

This week I’ve been reading a book which explores the characteristics of introverts versus extroverts. I know which I am (only an introvert would buy a book with a title like ‘Quiet’). I remember at infant school once, when the … Read More

Welcome to everyone who has just subscribed to this blog!  Thanks to those who have Liked the Facebook page too.  In another week of isolation (looking after children in various stages of recovering from illness), it really hit me how important … Read More

When my daughter was younger, she loved the Famous Five books by Enid Blyton. We built up nearly the whole series which I used to read to her every night at bedtime, and I loved reliving my own childhood obsession … Read More

I’ve had a few queries about managing children’s anger this week, and more specifically how they express it and how we can teach them to manage it. There are certainly some useful techniques we can pass on to them, but … Read More

I set up this blog mainly as a way to provide a forum for all the parents who have completed the Communicating with Kids course, or the Parent Effectiveness Training course which I used to run, as a way to … Read More